One of the most frequent questions asked by family members, friends, and other partners is, “How can I help and do more to support my loved one?” The general consensus is that individuals want to support and love the individual struggling, yet do not know what to say or do without negatively impacting the recovery process. Consider these 10 ways to promote more positive helping and healing:
- Become Educated. Learn as much as you can about the specific eating disorder. One of the best books you can purchase and read is, Life without ED. You can also read articles and blog posts on the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website. Similarly, ask your loved one how you can help rather than demanding change or invalidating his/her feelings.
- Recognize that eating disorders are not just phases, fads, or intentional behaviors. Rather, they are serious mental health diseases that have an extremely high mortality rate. Consider treatment like cancer; you would do everything and anything in your power to obtain the best treatment possible. Likewise, eating disorders require professional treatment at its finest.
- Be realistic. No easy or quick solutions exist for someone recovering from an eating disorder. No magic cure is available, and thus treatment requires significant time and energy. It is also helpful to remember that change without motivation and your support is rare. Practice patience and listening, and over time, this will produce positive results.
- Present concerns in a straightforward manner. When bringing up your concerns, be gentle, respectful, and caring. Do no have these conversations in public. Plan a specific time when you both have the opportunity to talk without being rushed. It can also be helpful to have information available about the consequences of eating disorders as well as potential treatment options in the area. This information can raise their consciousness and own level of concern—ultimately empowering them to make a healthy decision for their health.
- Engage in non-food related conversations. The focus should not always be on food. As your loved one engages in treatment, let the provider do the real work with them. Your role is to remember that this person is not just their eating disorder. Focus on fun things, maintaining a consistent and routine schedule, encourage new activities, and explore events that have nothing to do with weight, food, or exercise. For example, gardening, journaling, going to a local festival, or painting.
- Do not be their therapist. While it can be important to listen to your loved ones, don’t play the role of dietician or counselor. It is important for individuals with eating disorders to establish his/her own boundaries, just like it is important for you to maintain your personal boundaries. It is not your job or role to be food police. Rather, your role is to encourage, support, listen, and validate how difficult recovery can be from an eating disorder.
- Role Model. Use appropriate language, engage in positive body talk, do not talk about dieting, refrain from making comments about appearance, do not comment about the size/fit of clothes on someone, and reduce purchasing magazines and supporting other social media sites that promote eating disorder behavior.
- Avoid Power Struggles: Eating disorders are stubborn, and can become more difficult to heal from when love is conditional. Do not associate gaining weight or loosing weight with love. It is OK to admit when you are frustrated, feeling helpless, and powerless. Do not make threats or take away things just because you do not approve of a choice or behavior. Recovery has to come from within, and remember that change is reduced when control is taken away.
- Maintain Hope. Recovery is possible, and it is important that you maintain your faith and hope in the process. Recovery will have backwards and forwards steps, and if you can remember that, you can be more understanding when there is a setback or halt in the recovery process. Likewise, know that you are not alone and that support groups exist.
- Take care of You. It is equally important that you maintain good self-care during times of stress and worry. Consider also talking to a professional, writing in a journal, or having a support team. You will have many thoughts and feelings during the process, because your life is also being significantly impacted.