Marriage Archives - Riner Counseling

As cliché as it sounds, this past year has flown by as I reflect on our first year of marriage. Today, I wanted to share some of the biggest and most meaningful lessons we have learned.

We both realize that life is bigger than us; when we were both single, and single for most of our lives, we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted to. At the time, it didn’t seem selfish but the norm. During this first year, both of us have learned to re-wire (e.g., I’m not going to apologize first; I don’t really want to do this…”) and serve each other as God designed—selflessly.

We are not meant to mind read – we can’t expect each other to do things without the other being unaware. We have worked to give up the “he/she should know attitude,” and strived towards transparency and direct feedback. Likewise, communicating with real feelings and sharing needs, wants, hopes, etc.

Marriage is about teamwork; God designed us differently, yet fit us together perfectly. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and marriage provides an opportunity for balance. For example, making the bed is much more efficient with both of us doing it. Michael may be better at cooking while I’m better at task management and planning. We keep each other on track. We need each other.

Fight fair; don’t use the words “always,” “never,” and “remember when” because it won’t lead to a productive conversation. Check-in with each other and ask for feedback to clarify perspectives and needs.

For a marriage to thrive, be intentional, focus on the positives, pray together, spend time outside, put each other above work, and attend church.

Michael and I have been married for a little over two months, and what a sweet sweet time it has been for us. While reflecting on what we have learned, several lessons and insights were identified:

Marriage is a gift and wonderful privilege!
You are on the same team. Cheer each other on and use positive affirmations daily.
Love is a choice that takes consistent effort and affection.
Even though you are married, neither person is an expert in “mindreading.” Communicate directly rather than hoping or assuming the other partner knows exactly what you want or need.
Individual time is important and good, as is continuing to make time for friends, family, and colleagues.
Practice the “yes” spiral; as one person agrees to do something (e.g., washing clothes), the other person is more likely to say “yes” to something else (e.g., taking out the trash). Also, never leave the dishes in the sink overnight. Make sure you have a clean kitchen before you go to bed.
Remember to say “thank you” and “please,” just as you would say to another important person that you respect and love.
Marriage is a transition full of changes, so be compassionate with one another as you adjust to a “new norm.”
We are human, and humans will make mistakes and “mess up.” The important thing is to acknowledge what happened, take responsibility, and ask for forgiveness.
Pray together every day. Pray for your marriage, for one another, and for yourself.

One Year Later

Reflections on Marriage